My Dream Neighborhood…

Some girls spend their lives coming up with their dream houses, their dream husbands, their dream weddings… Me, I’m a bit more ambitious. I have my dream neighborhood.

 

If I were ever to win the lottery or become the next billionaire writer like J.K. Rowling, I would set aside part of my wealth to 1) found my own frickin’ country (only writers and cool people allowed in) and 2) build my dream community. It would probably look a lot like The Shire with the hobbit houses (and there would be a Rivendell and Lothlorien nearby for those of the more elvish bent). Actually, it’d probably have hobbit houses next to tree houses next to log cabins. And, the only people who would live there would be writers. Romance, fantasy, sci-fi, historical, thriller, policier, whatever. Only writers. There would be a pub/tavern/restaurant that would be a weird mix of Starbucks-meets-The-Inn-of-the-Green-Dragon where we could all hang out. There would be bookstores, of course. The native language would be Writer-esse, the government would be “whatever” and taxes…well, we’re talking about a country of writers. I doubt there would be much crime beyond “I had to smack him. He used the wrong word!”

 

It would be an eccentric, eclectic place. And it would be awesome.

 

The first people I would invite to live there would be Rayne Hall, Denis Fitzpatrick, Wallace Cass, Vicktor Alexander, Lor Rose, TN Tarrant, Brandon Sanderson, and Sarah Hoyt. Oh, and of course my quasi-sister and her wife, my parents, and my niece and nephews. They would probably be the only ones with “normal” houses. Unless, of course, I built a TARDIS-themed Earthship which would probably make Mini-me run away from home to live with her crazy Whovian aunt. Neil Gaiman would be welcome, of course, as would just about any other writer. We would build our own homes, pitching in to help like the Amish do in their communities. Bartering would be perfectly acceptable and declining an invitation “because I have to get these characters to get in line” would be a perfectly acceptable excuse. Our national pass-time would be reading and writing. Our national colors would be black and red (black for the inkstains on our fingers and faces, red for the pens we use to correct our later drafts). Our national sport would be either Trivia Pursuit or Scrabble. You could marry whoever you wanted so long as they were 18 or older and human. Civil/criminal trials (if they had to be held at all) would consist of a non-busy writer selected at random acting as the judge. It would be practically Heinlienian in some ways. And it would be the most interesting place on Earth.

 

In school, the popular kids would be the ones with the most books. Sarcasm would be considered a second language. Daydreaming would be encouraged — as would doodling and rambling. Sitting around silently reading at the pub would be considered a perfectly acceptable form of socialization.

 

All in all, it would be heaven on Earth for writers.

 

So, if there are any wealthy people with money to burn reading this who are interested in developing and funding such a community, feel free to drop me a line. Using solar panels and windmills, we might actually be able to have “free” electricity. Building Earthships or other sustainable houses might make development costs trivial. Tapping into a nearby water supply (aquifer or a river) could help with both water/sewer and electricity. And, while it wouldn’t be the richest place on Earth, it’d probably be the most interesting place.

 

Because, you see, us writers…no matter the genre…we’re interesting (aka “weird”) people. Which is why we shouldn’t have to live in the mundane world. Our inner worlds are so much cooler. Just ask anyone who’s written for Doctor Who!

 

— G.K.