Real Life

And so it begins

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And so it begins

I’ve been rather quiet on this front. One, since I’ve been writing, applying for jobs, submitting my novel to various agents, and just generally trying to get my affairs in order, I haven’t had a lot of time to spare. Two, I haven’t had much to say. Three, I’ve got a deal cooking right now and, while I have pulled the trigger, I’m still waiting to see if the bullet hits the target.

I am standing on the precipice of something great and I am both excited and terrified. I am not quite ready to make any announcements other than tantalizing teasers but I will say that I think that the future looks much brighter for me now than it did a few months ago. While I’m not in the vengeance or grudge-holding business, I must say, I think that I am about to surprise not only myself, but several other people.

I am easy to underestimate. I’m short. I’m not that good-looking. I speak with an atrocious Southern accent, soft on endings, liquid of vowels, and in no hurry to get the words out. I keep my mode of dress casual but clean and sturdy. Why? Because why waste a lot of money on designer outfits and haircuts when that money can be better invested elsewhere? I’m hard-working, creative, inventive, intelligent, and honest. I had a couple of bad years recently what with my brother dying so suddenly and unexpectedly and with his daughter’s mothers being complete and utter wankers.

But I have begun to come out of that haze. I have decided that there are three people who will have no part in my life. One of them is only a baby but in order to cut the other two out, I must sacrifice her as well. Such is the choice foisted upon me by unscrupulous individuals. Such is the price that will be paid. I have also decided to forge ahead with my own dreams. If that means taking up a burden that I never wanted to carry, then so be it. I will do it.

All my life, people have underestimated me. I have encouraged them to do this. It makes my life easier. It makes my eventual victories so much sweeter to see the looks of incredulity upon their faces and to know that there were signs all the while, there and easy to spot, for them to see foreshadowing what was hidden beneath the placid mask I show to the world.

A grand conspiracy has come into being with me at its helm and, once I am done, this world will never be the same. The trigger has been pulled. The bullet has left the barrel and is speeding through the air straight for the target at which it was aimed.

And so it begins.

Unemployed != Unproductive

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Unemployed != Unproductive

For those of you who slept through Geekspeak 101 the subject translates as “Unemployed does not equal unproductive.”

Today is the first day of my unemployment. Actually, I prefer to think of it as the first day of my working completely for myself. And, in these first five hours (yes, I woke up at 7 am as per normal) I have:

  1. Applied for three different jobs
  2. Drafted a query letter
  3. Begun a high-level proofing of Draft Three of Twilight of Lanar’ya
  4. Read an entire chapter in my LSAT prep study guide

I took the weekend “off,” so to speak, to recharge my mental batteries. I mostly played Diablo II and did some work on Midnight of Lanar’ya. I did a touch of research for my mother’s site but have not completed the article there yet.

Am I scared? A little. But, as my parents are wont to say, I have tools and talents to weather adversity that most other people don’t. I live frugally so money is not a pressing concern. I am content to live life inside my head so missing out on social occasions does not bother me overmuch. I have always been fairly self-disciplined so setting my own schedule and sticking to it is not difficult. No, what I will really miss is the atmosphere at my former job and the people there.

At any rate, I will keep working on Alayne’s Story and my own works while searching for a job, studying for the LSAT, and keeping myself up-to-date on various other things.

And now, as always: back to work!

Studying for the LSAT

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Studying for the LSAT

I’ve been dividing my free time (when I’m not working or raiding) into three parts: 1) working on Alayne’s Story or Midnight of Lanar’ya, 2) researching things for my mother’s site, and 3) studying for the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test). I’m cautiously optimistic that I will do well on the LSAT when I take it in December. I still need to check to see if the center near me offers the exam in English but I suspect it will. I’ll then register to take it and keep studying for it.

I think that, if I score well enough on it, law school won’t tap out my savings nearly as much as I had feared. I’ve been careful all these years and have managed to save up quite a bit. So, I can afford to go to law school, even if I have to pay the whole thing myself. However, if I can get scholarships to cover some of the tuition and course fees, then that will be so much the better.

I’ve never been a big fan of putting yourself tremendously in debt to get a degree. I am practically allergic to debt which is why I don’t own a car (and plan to try to get the best car I can for the lowest price I can find if I go back to the US) and why I don’t own a house (no way, no how. Nothing doing. I’ll rent until it’s worth my time to even think about buying a home and right now, the housing market is looking like it will take a while to recover). I don’t feel the need to take fancy vacations or go out to pricey restaurants. I make my clothes last me for ages and generally only replace them when they are so ripped and torn up that it’d be indecent to wear them in public. My biggest annual expenditures are trips to visit my parents in the US or the occasional computer purchase.

I live within my means and in less than 10 years, have socked away enough cash that I can think about three years of law school without wondering how I’d eat while in school. Apparently, not a lot of people my age could say the same thing. I think that’s weird because I’ve never considered myself to be terribly exceptional when it comes to money. I don’t have a massive salary or anything. I just…don’t spend a lot of money. Simple.

At any rate, I’m looking forward to taking the LSAT. I hope I do well on it and get offered a discounted ride somewhere. That would be awesome.

And now, back to work!

I hate being sick

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I hate being sick

Sinusitis. I has it.

I’ve been home sick since Tuesday. I managed to clear out the last block of edits on Draft Three of Twilight of Lanar’ya yesterday night. I’m going to hit my quota on Alayne’s Story tomorrow and then start working on the sequel to ToL. Provided, of course, I have enough energy. I got roped into raiding tonight and I am exhausted from it. I was supposed to be off but the tank who was covering for me couldn’t get the patch to apply to his WoW client. I went in thinking “oh, I’ll just be helping to clear up to Beth and then he’ll be on…”

By the time we got to Ryholith, I realized that wasn’t going to happen. So, I finished out the raid and then laid down for a while until my body quit hurting. Now I’m about to go take some more (disgusting) paracetamol, heat up some gel packs, take a bath, and then lay down and pray that my lymph nodes will stop swelling and hurting me. I had wanted to work on another page for this site and an article for my mom’s site but I slept most of today and yesterday and just can’t seem to find the energy to do anything other than moan about it.

Well, screw it. Going to shut down and get some sleep now.

What’s Been Up With Me

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What's Been Up With Me

I’ve commented a few times that I’ve fallen behind on writing due to personal stress. Well, I’ve been pretty up-front about my position being eliminated due to the economy. However, while that is upsetting, I have come to terms with it and am well on the way to finding a new position.

The other major thing that has been keeping me on knife’s edge for the past two years has to do with my family. My younger brother died two years ago and, at his visitation (like a wake), my parents were approached by two perfect strangers who informed them that my brother had fathered a child by one of them. These two were a couple and wanted my parents to act as grandparents to their daughter (my brother’s biological child). DNA tests established that the girl is, indeed, a direct descendant of my parents (meaning that she is either my daughter or my brother’s and I have no children).

I thought that this would help my parents heal from my brother’s unexpected and untimely death. However, for two years now, my parents have been subjected to what I consider to be some of the worst possible psychological torture known to man. No matter what they do, no matter how they try to help the pair out, it blows up in their faces and they are denied a relationship with their granddaughter. The SO is the worst and the mother will not stand up to her.

Well, for two years, I’ve kept a running journal of various events to help me cope with all of this. And, I have decided to take the lid off and let some sunlight shine on these two and their depraved manipulations. You can read about it all here. These two people have now alleged that my father physically or sexually abused his two year old granddaughter.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want to get the word out that this is actually happening. I want to warn others whether single, married, divorced, or celibate that this kind of stuff can impact them. That innocent people like my parents can and do get accused of the most reprehensible actions by people who have no problem using a child as a weapon in a struggle for control.

What would I like you to do? Read and comment on that entry. If you’re on Facebook, join the Facebook group I’ve started to help my parents out. Nothing more. I’m not asking you to sign anything, to give any money, or to do anything other than click a link, spend 5 minutes reading, and say “this is terrible. I’m so sorry it’s happening to you” so that my parents know that they have some support out here on the faceless Intarwebz.

New Page and New Theme

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New Page and New Theme

I got sick of hacking away on a theme that just would not lay out correctly so I went and found one done along the lines of what I wanted. So, yeah, the site has a new look. I hope you like it.

I’ve also finally gotten around to fixing the Alayne’s Story: Cast pages and added a page about Mir’el Darkweaver.

I’ve been rather busy helping my mother launch her new site over at Grandparents-Rights.org, hence the paucity of posts in the past few weeks.

And now, back to work!

Character Motivations

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Every story ever written boils down to the same basic concept: One actor struggles against another actor. It can be characters, events, countries, castes, concepts, ideas…but all stories are the stories of a struggle. Most deal with the struggles of individual characters so that is what I’m going to talk about here.

Characters have personality, pasts, preferences, hopes, and motivations. If they lack any of these things, they are less-complete as characters. If you’ve ever heard of “one dimensional characters,” then you have heard of a character who lacks one (or more) of the above traits. For example, in many stories written by young authors, characters lack the necessary traits to make them have depth and believability. The trait I’m going to focus on here is the trait most often looked over: motivation.

Why do characters make the choices they make? Why do they go the directions they go? What drives them? These are the questions you ask when you try to uncover a character’s motivation. Now, this is easily enough done for protagonists (usually “the good guys”) but what about the bad guys? Nothing irks me more than to read a story where the bad guy does things because…he’s the bad guy. Villains require motivation just as much, if not more, as heroes. After all, in the villain’s mind, what he’s doing is the right thing and the hero is wrong to oppose him.

I’m currently working on the first draft of the sequel to Twilight of Lanar’ya and the entire first part deals solely with the motivations of the villains. It explains why they feel the way they do. It explains the events of the first book from their point of view. They’re after something and they’ll stop at nothing to get it. However, in their minds, they are completely right to want this thing. And, the price that must be paid to gain it is acceptable. Tragic, but acceptable. They do not reveal in their enemies’ downfalls. Instead, they view their enemies with a mixture of pity, contempt, and anger. After all, if those fools would just broaden their horizons a bit and try to understand things instead of dogmatically accepting what they were taught, the villains would have no need to fight them.

It’s really interesting to get in the mind of a person who is utterly ruthless and will do whatever it takes to achieve his goals. Interesting villains often bring more to the story than the most interesting hero. After all, heroes are easy for anyone to understand. Getting readers to identify with and understand the villain enough to sympathize with him…even while he’s being a sadistic son of a bitch…that is something I wish more writers would experiment with. It’s something I hope I’m moderately successful in pulling off with this series.

And now, to sleep so I can proofread Twilight of Lanar’ya tomorrow and decide if the second draft is complete or not.

Second Draft Complete…

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Or, at least I think it is. Yes, I’ve finished the second draft of Twilight of Lanar’ya. I just got it printed out today (thanks to my ex-husband/best friend). I’m going to start reading the hard copy this weekend and give myself a little break from it.

I’m really optimistic about this series. This is the third or fourth novel I’ve written in my life (I don’t really want to count the first one I wrote when I was 19 because…ugh…it sucks). There’s just something about the setting and the characters that I think is stronger than in my previous novels. I feel like this project has congealed a lot better than previous efforts and that I have something salable.

Now I just have to get it perfect and then convince an agent and a publisher of that.

I hate writing love scenes

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Seriously, I do. I had to write one this weekend and, even though it is about a page and a half long, I think I spent more time working on it than I did on the other twenty pages I wrote this weekend.

Every writer has something that is tricky for them to pull off. Some writers struggle over the beginning of a story. Others struggle at the end. Still others lose their way halfway through. Some can write an awesome love scene that doesn’t make you feel like you just read something out of Hustler and some write a scene that makes you wonder if you’re reading the screen play for a porno.

I, generally avoid writing them at all. I’ll hint. I’ll make references. I’ll use euphemisms. In the end, you’ll know that two characters had sex. You just didn’t get a play-by-play of the encounter.

This weekend, I found myself being forced to write the play-by-play. It was absolutely necessary to the story that things happen as they did. It was absolutely vital or else I’d have done my usual “spell it out but don’t give the details.” And yet, for all that I knew what was going down and for all that I’m usually good at describing action scenes, I can’t, for the life of me, figure out if I said too much or not enough.

Seriously, I had about eight different books open up and I was reading similar scenes from various authors trying to figure out just how in the hell they managed to pull it off without sounding like a Harlequin writer. I consulted Wizard’s First Rule (the scene in the Mud People’s Spirit House between Richard and Kalhan). I had Shalador’s Lady and Queen of the Darkness open. I browsed through Valley of Horses looking for the first scene between Ayla and Jondalar before I realized it was going to be way too extreme for what I needed. I even went through Game of Thrones before I finally said “fuck it all. Just write what happens.”

The scene works out to 600 words. I added a grand total of 20k words. This scene is like…what…3% of that? And it gave me more trouble than the other 97% put together.

I had this same problem with The Unexiled before I said “screw it. You know they fuck. I don’t need to go into it.” That was probably my biggest failure with The Unexiled and it came down to I hate writing love scenes but sometimes, they’re necessary. I just wish there were a way to improve at it that didn’t involve writing more love scenes. >< I've got at least one more to write in Twilight of Lanar'ya before it's finished. There may be one in the next book as well. I know there will be several in the third book and, lemme tell you, I've had to order myself not to think about it so I won't start stressing out over things that are two damned books in the future!
Ah well. Maybe I’ll get better at them. I just wish I knew how authors like George R. R. Martin, Brandon Sanderson, or Terry Goodkind pulled them off without it sounding so damned foolish.

What’s this? A post not on a Friday?

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…I know. Be still my beating heart.

You may have noticed a few updates on the sidebar over there. Well, yeah, I finally got around to adding my Twitter feed here since I’ve actually started updating it a bit more than once-per-year. I decided that if a US Congressman can tweet pictures of his package without consequence, certainly I could Tweet about things I’m working on without getting into too much trouble.

Also, this is going to upset all five of you who were following it, but The Unexiled is shelved again. Sadly, as much as I want to work on it and finish it, I find myself having to force it too much. The concept itself is good — solid, in fact. The characters are complex and well-thought-out. However, I just don’t think I have the skills or discipline as a novelist to pull off all that I’m trying to do in that series. So, I’m putting it on hold for now (but I will not be restarting it entirely. Just setting it aside until my skills can match my ambition) and have instead started cranking out a new novel that is ridiculously easy to write.

Twilight of Lanar’ya is based extremely loosely off a campaign setting I designed and ran for my D&D group in college. By “loosely” I mean there are two organizations that are named the same thing but work in completely different manners and there’s one character from the campaign who has the same name and appearance but does different things for completely different reasons than he did in the campaign. The four other people who ran through it with me will not recognize it. I’m only naming it the same thing because the arcs are somewhat similar (while being entirely different…other writers will know what I mean) and because I like the name. I invented the name so I figure I get to use it if I want to.

I just started writing it about two and a half weeks ago and the thing has flowed like silk. I don’t have to force anything with it. I barely had to outline it at all. Just a few simple notes, a couple of references to keep my setting consistent, a map of South America since I absolutely suck at maps, and it was off to the races.

I’m hoping that once I finish this three-parter, I’ll have developed the skills and discipline I’d need as a novelist to pull off The Unexiled. I finally realized that Robert Jordan did not sit down to write The Wheel of Time as his first series. Sure, he’d had the idea for a while, but he held off committing to it until he knew he could give it the skill it needed. I have to admit that while I am an okay writer, I’m nowhere near good enough to accomplish my goals with The Unexiled just yet so I’m setting it aside until I can give it the skill it deserves.

Well, with that said, back to work! Oh — and I’m still looking for a job. If anyone knows a place that is looking for a highly-skilled web designer with extensive familiarity with web scripting, programming, and CMSes ranging from vB Publishing Suite to WordPress, Blogger, Joomla!, and phpWebSite who is also decent to adept at graphic design and content editing and they’re willing to pay at least $45k per year, feel free to point me to them!